mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
nutella sex= disaster
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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