Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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