Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
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You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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