The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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