see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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