You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
