I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
