I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
