I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
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