when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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