why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
