Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
