I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
