In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
