I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
