when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
