I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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