Only a mothe r could love this liver
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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