Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
