3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
