mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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