I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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