Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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