I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
