Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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