smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
