he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
