we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
