i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
