i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
