I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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