Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
