Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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