I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
