It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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