Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
