Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
birth control should be required to get into college
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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