I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
