You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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