so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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