In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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