Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
