I think my fart just growled at me.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
