I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
