first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
