Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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