hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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