Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
