sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
