the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize