I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
