I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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