dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Everclear isn't food dammit
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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