just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
