...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
