just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Randomize
