My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
