it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
